A funny thing happened on the way to romance: How humor influences romantic relationship initiation
Kenrick, D. T., Groth, G. E., Trost, M. R., & Sadalla, E. K. (1993). Integrating evolutionary and social exchange perspectives on relationships: Effects of gender, self-appraisal, and involvement level on mate selection criteria. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 951-969.
Li, N. P., Griskevicius, V., Durante, K. M., Jonason, P.K., Pasisz, D. J., & Aumer, K. (2009). An evolutionary perspective on humor: Sexual selection or interest indication? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin,35(7), 923-936.
Lippa, R. A. (2007). The preferred traits of mates in a cross-national study of heterosexual and homosexual men and women: An examination of biological and cultural influences. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36(2), 193-208.
Lundy, D. E., Tan, J., & Cunningham, M. R. (1998). Heterosexual romantic preferences: The importance of humor and physical attractiveness for different types of relationships. Personal Relationships, 5, 311-325.
Martin, R. A., Puhlik-Doris, P., Larsen, G., Gray, J., & Weir, K. (2003). Individual differences in uses of humor and their relation to psychological well-being: Development of the Humor Styles Questionnaire. Journal of Research in Personality, 37, 48–75.
McGee, E. & Shevlin, M. (2009). Effect of humor on interpersonal attraction and mate selection. Journal of Psychology: Interdisciplinary and Applied, 143(1), 67-77.
Lewandowski, G. W., Ciarocco, N. J., Pettenato, M., & Stephan, J. (2012). Pick me up Ego depletion and receptivity to relationship initiation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29, 1071-1084.
Miller, G. F. (2000a). Mental traits as fitness indicators: Expanding evolutionary psychology’s adaptationism. In D. LeCroy & P. Moller (Eds.), Evolutionary approaches to human reproductive behavior. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, Volume 907, (pp. 62-74). Baltimore, MD: Johns Hopkins University Press.
Miller, G. F. (2000b). Sexual selection for indicators of intelligence. In G. Bock, J. Goode, & K. Webb (Eds.), The nature of intelligence, Novartis Foundation Symposium 233 (pp. 260-275). John Wiley.
Miller, G. F. (2007). Sexual selection for moral virtues. The Quarterly Review of Biology, 82(2), 97-125.
Morgan, E. M., Richards, T. C., & VanNess, E. M. (2010). Comparing narratives of personal and preferred partner characteristics in online dating advertisements. Computers in Human Behavior, 26(5), 883-888.
Sadalla, E. K., Kenrick, D. T., & Vershure, B. (1987). Dominance and heterosexual attraction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(4), 730-738.
Senko, C. & Fyffe, V. (2010). An evolutionary perspective on effective vs. ineffective pick-up lines. The Journal of Social Psychology, 150(6), 648-667.
Treger, S., Sprecher, S. and Erber, R. (2013). Laughing and liking: Exploring the interpersonal effects of humor use in initial social interactions. European Journal of Social Psychology. Advanced online publication.
Trivers, R. L. (1972). Parental investment and sexual selection. In B. Campbell (Ed.), Sexual selection and the descent of man (pp. 136-179). Chicago, IL: Aldine.
Vernon, P. A., Villani, V. C., Schermer, J. A., Kirilovic, S., Martin, R. A., Petrides, K. V., ... & Cherkas, L. F. (2009). Genetic and environmental correlations between trait emotional intelligence and humor styles. Journal of Individual Differences, 30, 130-137.
Weber, K., Goodboy, A. K., & Cayanus, J. L. (2010). Flirting competence: An experimental study on appropriate and effective opening lines. Communication Research Reports, 27, 184-191.
Wilbur, C. J. & Campbell, L. (2001). Humor in romantic contexts: Do men participate and women evaluate? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 37(7), 918-929.
article author(s)
Theresa DiDonato
Theresa DiDonato is an assistant professor of social psychology at Loyola University Maryland. She received her doctorate degree in experimental psychology...more
From the editors
Why might humour play an important role in romantic attraction? DiDonato (2013) traces the reasons from two main perspectives: when humour acts a sexual selection cue, and when humour acts as an interest indicator. I particularly enjoyed the section on “How to use humour in relationship initiation”. Without sounding like a humour recipe book to create humour (which by the way, is extremely difficult to fake), DiDonato gives hints and tips on the type of humour to use and when (e.g., are you looking for a short or long term mate?) which are supported by empirical evidence.
As humour is theorized to evolve as a fitness indicator and due to the differential parental cost (therefore the requirement for females to be pickier), DiDonato identifies the gender difference when it comes to the importance of humour within a potential mate. Indeed, she cites research supporting this trend: men, in general, tend to seek women that appreciate their jokes whereas women, in general, tend to focus on whether the men can make them laugh. Although the trend and rationale makes sense, I can’t help but think about the reverse where women do the initiating instead of men. Are these women still humour absorbers or do they reciprocate in humour production?
Another interesting point regards the different types of humour that exists. Accordingly, there are two main groups of humour styles: positive and negative humour. Based on DiDonato and colleagues’ research (2013), humour styles influence the success of long-term relationship initiation. Positive humour was found to be more beneficial for those who were looking to start a long-term relationship; the style of humour did not really matter for those who were looking to start a short-term relationship. However, social interactions do not happen within a vacuum; I think situational factors may also determine whether positive or negative humour influence the success rate of the relationship initiation. For example, it may be possible for negative humour to work in the man’s favour, especially if the aggressive joke was about an aggressor that the man had just saved the woman from. If used correctly, might negative humour actually reflect the strength or capabilities of the humour initiator? Also, what might be the reaction of men when the woman is the negative humour initiator?
I think it is likely that many of us have come across humour during a relationship initiation in one way or another and this article is definitely relevant to those who are looking for a potential love interest. Does the article agree with what you are experiencing or have experienced previously? Share with us your thoughts and comments below!
Laysee OngAssociate Editor