magazine issue 6 2015 / Issue 26

How to win (and lose) friendships across cultures: Why relational mobility matters

• written by Robert Thomson & Masaki Yuki
• edited by Laysee Ong

The two points above refer primarily to the acquisition of desirable relationships in high relational mobility societies. Our third point refers to the retention of current relationships: In high relational mobility societies, self-disclosure (revealing sensitive information about the self) appears to be a good strategy to retain current close friends (Schug et al., 2010). That is, by telling a close friend about your most embarrassing experience, for example, this demonstrates your willingness to be vulnerable with that friend. This in turn communicates your commitment to your friendship. And if your friend sees that you're committed to them, they’re more likely to respond in kind. Of course, there is the risk that your friend might be put off by your admission: “You did what?! What an idiot.” But even if a person’s self-disclosure leads to rejection, in a high relational mobility society, there are still plenty of options to make new friends. In this way, the benefit of self-disclosure (solidifying an otherwise unstable friendship) outweighs the potential cost (rejection) in high relational mobility societies. In low relational mobility societies, this cost-benefit situation is reversed: there are few opportunities to make new friends if you get rejected, so best to keep those potentially embarrassing admissions to yourself.